When I was 11 years old, I picked up smoking for the first time.

I often think back to that time, when the fires inside me felt like they were erupting. Everything in my life was changing from being a kid to becoming a young adult.

My body was transforming.

I was outgrowing my body and coming  into a new one. I began feeling attracted to others and it all felt confusing and overwhelming.

I was also dealing with two parents who were struggling. Nothing felt safe or comfortable at that time in my life. The fires inside me started to burn in such a new way, and I didn’t know how to control it, so I turned to smoking as a way to try and tame the fire inside me.

I can remember that first drag feeling like a relief.

Looking back at that time now with everything I’ve learned about the fire element, it makes so much sense to me why so many young adults pick up smoking. At the age of 11 I didn’t understand nor have the tools that I needed to have a positive connection to the fire element.

Years later when I stopped smoking, the first week I was so angry, irritated, and frustrated — all of the feelings I had tried to suppress for over a decade all came back with a vengeance. I now had the opportunity to learn how to turn poison into medicine and become the alchemist of my fire element.

Fire and my lineage have had a deep relationship.

Anger has been a super power for me and lots of my family members. It has kept me safe, and protected me from being hurt. It is my go to survival method that became madness at times. I became addicted to fires, furry, and the resulting chemicals that would be released into my body like adrenaline.

My rage is still alive inside.

The difference today is that I no longer fear that energy, in fact I honor the anger, rage, and fire within me. Everyday I have an opportunity to keep growing and learning from the fire element.

  • I light a candle most days and thank my fire within for teaching me the power of light and warmth.
  • I light incense to honor the pain from my own story that helps me understand the pain we all go through being human.
  • I sit and hold a mineral that helps me deepen my connection more with fire.

Next Friday I’ll share my go to fire stones and a powerful way to really connect with the fire element using crystals.